Sry I called you an 8
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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