Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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