hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
