You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize