How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
