nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
