I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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