So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
