So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
this will be a night to untag.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
