So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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