Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
