remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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