I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
