I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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