it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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