weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Randomize
