the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My breasts were aching with rage.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Randomize
