Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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