Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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