Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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