I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
