you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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