Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
