if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
