I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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