between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
