we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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