Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
