3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
