He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize