what day is it and did you see me today?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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