Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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