You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
