the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
