if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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