All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
