1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
