every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
