TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize