I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
