I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
