my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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