I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
