i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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