Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dicks are not precious.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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