You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
