...so i touched it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
