ya dads aren't the best wingmen
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
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