Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
