I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
