Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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