So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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