Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
