I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
