There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
