hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
