I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
