so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
