The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize