This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I touched a dick in church today
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
