It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
