He uses pillows to masturbate.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
