You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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