Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
